Day Thirty Four – Who am I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q

I have been thinking recently about how people define themselves.  Why are we as we are?  What are the things that we embrace that play there part in making us who we are?  For example – why are some people afraid of water? Why do some seem to rise to the big occasion when others run away from such things?   Why are some people loud and annoying while others struggle to communicate and appear fearful.  Why do we embrace certain things which shape and define our personalities, and can these things be changed – can we re-program who we are?

I went visiting one of my old ladies not too long ago, let’s calls her Grace.  Grace is a wonderful woman, and I have had the privilege to be around in the church as she laid her husband to rest after 60 years of marriage and she has adapted well to being alone, although this has not been an easy path for her after so long with her loved one.

Recently Grace went to an over 90’s group, one of the many groups she now attends to keep her mind active and improve her social life.   When I called to visit her she was really excited to show me a painting she had done at the group the week previously.  It was quite special that she wanted to share it with me, and she was very proud of this piece of work.  But then she said this comment, which I don’t think I will ever forget “And they told me at school I was not creative!”.    Oh my – how sad.  To think that over 75 years ago some random teacher had looked at Grace’s work and shook her head and pronounced that she was not much good at this, and my dear sister had held that comment all her life, so that part of who she was had been labelled “not creative”.  And now suddenly years later we were both faced with the reality that it was not the case.    She spoke about how she had not really been creative at all with her children when they were growing up because she never thought she wasn’t any good at this, and she wished now she had been.

There was something beautiful that afternoon about the freedom which came to my friend Grace when she realised that she actually could do something she never thought she could.  Truly a liberating experience, and yet the tragedy is that words were taken to heart and that something beautiful was nearly lost completely as a result.

As I drove home I wondered what are the things I tell myself I am not good at which may need to be revisited?  Whose words over me have I embraced as true when in fact they are incorrect?   How had I defined myself, and what prejudices do I hold on to that need to be unpacked and closely examined?

Yes,  there have been many words said to me that I needed to look at again, and that is easier said than done; when you tell yourself you can’t do this, and you’re not worth that – but the wonderful news is … God says – I AM!

… And the flip side – what have I said to my children, and to others, that have limited them as they have taken them to heart?  How has my influence on others curtailed their life and experiences, and in what ways have I spoken life to people allowing them to really know that they are so amazing and unique and can do whatever they want to do?

My Prayer:

Thank You that your made us in your image, and that you placed within us such amazing potential to achieve and to succeed.

Jesus – during this Lenten season – remind me again that who I am is found in you alone, and that your words brings life, liberation and healing. .

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!

Day Thirty three – New York

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvXeUqlfxhY

Recently I was privileged to take one of those trips of a lifetime – 5 days in New York with my daughter Esther.  It was truly an amazing experience.  We were typical tourists,  riding around in yellow cabs and going up the Empire State Building, We did Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s, stood in awe of all the illuminated adverts and flashing signs in Time Square, took in a couple of broadways shows, wandered around Central Park.   We even went to Tiffany’s – after breakfast though!

I had been warned by some dear friends about New York,  where not to go, and what not to do. I had to avoid Central Park after sunset and not to go to certain parts of the city late at night.  I am sure this was good advice, and I’m happy to report the trip was almost trouble free, except for that time we were foolish enough to get in that unmarked Taxi who charged us 4 times the normal rate, as you can imagine he sampled the wrath of Alison!

We had been highly recommended to take the Blue Bus Tour around the City, and to get on and off at the various stops to take in the sites.  This tour took us right down Manhattan Island to the place where the Twin Towers,that were the World Trade Centre, once stood.  That was an odd feeling being there.  To a place I had never been to before, and yet a place that ten years previously my heart had travelled to, a place that had completely dominated my thinking for days after the terrorist attacks.  Yet when Esther and I visited it was a mild December day.  The workmen were back on the site, now erecting two more structures that will serve as the new World Trade Centre.  There is nothing really to see now just hard hats and cranes, yet there was a real feel that something significant took place here and many people just come and stand in silence to remember, as they witness people rebuilding after such a devastation.

There is a 9/11 memorial museum but we decided not to go in there, but instead we did go into the little church that stands in the shadow of the building site.  St Pauls Church, where Abraham Lincoln use to worship many years before, has now been transformed into a place of prayer for the nations.  This was such a special place where families who have been bereaved have contributed to touching memorials, and Police and Fire Departments from all over the world, have sent words of sympathy and support.  It’s not a place full of horrific pictures, just a few now to remind people of the horrors of that day; it’s more a place where loved ones can be remembered, a scared place that marks the huge loss that was felt by so many. It’s certainly a place where God’s deep peace is tangible.

As we were moving around silently both Esther and I heard a little girl, who must have been about 7 or 8 years old ask her Father: “Daddy, when did this happen?”  His response was; “It was before you were born sweetie”.  The little girl was really concerned that such a thing could ever have happened, but seemed quite comforted that it was obviously a long, long time ago, not in her lifetime.

Humanity has an amazing ability to move on. To rebuild. To learn and grow.  When I heard that little girl it reminded me how quickly life moves on.  However devastating, dreadful and horrific it may have been, we move on to a new day where others don’t know about our pain and our past.  And in that there is hope and a new beginning.  So long as we learn from our mistakes and don’t do that again!

My Prayer:

Thank You Gracious Lord, that even when we find ourselves in a place of real hopelessness and devastation you promise to bring us through.

Jesus – during this Lenten season – remind me again that the past, as frightening as it seem, is held by you – the One who opens the door to the future and walks with me into the unknown.

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!

Day Thirty two – One Day I’ll fly away

I love flying.  There is something fascinating and magically about a window seat on an airplane, looking down on a cloudless day at the intricacy of the landscape.  The rivers winding through to the sea.  Snow capped mountains that look most odd when viewed from this angle.  Mountains that I will never climb , and yet here I am high above them and their majesty and wonder is somewhat humbled from this perspective.   Cities, towns and villages with streets and houses, road networks and industrial estates. Like model villages all organised and structured much more so from up here than it appears when I’m driving around trying to find my way at street level. Then becoming aware just how green and lush it all is. How stunningly beautiful our world is.  How vast the forests and how blue the ocean.  Then the excitement in spotting a small white dot out at sea and to realise that that is probably a really large cruise ship, but from this angle it really is very difficult to make out and suddenly not visible anymore, as it seems to merge in with the water around it.

And at night, when the lights are on.   Big cities twinkling away, and the lights on cars moving around the dark motorway networks.  Sports venues with their really bright lights revealing ant like creatures scurrying around for whatever reason.   And the large expanses of darkness between the areas of light revealing the contrast between rural and residential spaces, adding to the wonder and mystery of our amazing landscape.

From a distance the normal things around us are very different, and it always makes me wonder how on earth I matter. I am just one jot when I begin to consider the great scheme of things, for when viewed from 30,000 feet I am but nothing, just a tiny spec in the great picture of the universe.  Does God really know about every person, every village, every town, every country.  Surely the whole idea that he does is ludicrous.  Look at the world – its huge, and I’m just a bit player.  On the grand stage of life I don’t even features as a significant extra – I’m just me!

This reminds me of the Psalmist who saw it for the other prospective – as he stood with his feet very much planted on the earth looking up into skies, and pondering our universe and the order and beauty of the stars and the galaxy that opened up to him as he questioned;  “Oh God – who I am that you are mindful of me?”

I know today, as the psalmist knew hundreds of years before me, that as much as it makes no sense whatsoever to think that the all powerful, all knowing God cares about me, He actually does.  Because God is all seeing, and does love individuals and care about our life, in fact he cares about and knows every cell of my being, every hair on my head.    So as many times as I fly on an airplane, and look down and once again go through this questioning I am assured that God doesn’t just see the big picture, but he is always found in the detail.

My Prayer:

Thank You Creator God for the order and beauty of our world, and the privilege of life here today among all the intricacy and complexity of your creation.

Jesus – during this Lenten season –  that when I feel like I don’t matter, when I wonder if you really care  about me,  remind me again that you care much more than I can ever imagine.

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!

Day Thirty one – Band on the Run

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7D65IomNYY

 

In my life I have to say I have been in and out of prison.  Stangeways, Wandsworth, Holloway, Shotts, and the Youth Offenders Prison in Jamaica.  I’m happy to report that with all of them I have been in and out in a few hours and never detained at Her Majesties pleasure.

I nearly started a Prison riot in Strangeways!  At 18 I was very naive – and the Salvation Army Band and Tambourine group were invited to lead the inmates and staff in their Christmas Carol Service.  All was going well until our group of young ladies all between the ages of 18 – 30 got up to “perform”.  This tambourine routine began with us, backs to the audience, bent over!  Seriouisly?  What were we thinking!  There we were in steamed stockings with our backs to over 300 men who had been incarcerated for however many months, or years.  Our presence stimulated a reaction that I had never anticipated.  The place was in an uproar. We could hardly hear the 35 piece brass band for the wolf whistles and raucous comments that were being shouted out from the floor.  With the instruction of the Prison Officers we had to stop sharply.   It took a while to regain order.

The next time I was in a prison was in Holloway during my training for Salvation Army Officership, and for part of my time there I was in the young family wing, talking to the women prisoners about family life.  The maternity wing had just been closed in Holloway so babies would no longer be born in prison and have it on their birth certificate.  Yet nursing mothers were allowed to keep their babies with them while they served their sentence.  I felt very frightened and timid in that place, and actually felt physically sick – it was such a relief to leave.  Maybe the Strangeways experience had left an impression on me.  I was always glad when I was out of there and I heard the key lock the door behind me.

The third time was when my husband and I were in pastoral charge in Shotts and leading regular Bible Studies was part of our remit, shared on the Churches Together rota.  This was a completely different experience.  This was a small group of men who had voluntarily come to learn about God’s love and who I accepted as people just like me.  I grew to love them, and really enjoyed that time when it came round.  These men became my friends, and sometimes it was sad to see them discharged as that meant losing contact completely, although some did write after release.

On one day I was talking to one of the guys who I had really warmed to. Talking about God and His great love; smiling and reading scripture together, when he suddenly asked me, “But does God really love me, even after I murdered my wife and two children?”   I just looked him in the eye and was speechless.  How could this really lovely man be capable of such an atrocity, was he being serious?  It appeared by the reaction of others that this was no sick joke – this was a moment where the rubber really did hit the road.  He carried on looking intently at me for my answer, and suddenly from deep within me, by passing all my reasoning and my fear I heard my voice say – “Yes, God really does love you and offers you his forgiveness”.   In that place God spoke profoundly and we prayed and God s peace surrounded us in a way I’d seldom known before.  Even in that high security wing with the most notorious of criminals God is there.

My Prayer:

Thank You God for changed lives, and forgiveness – even when human reason and logic says No way – you say O yes!

Jesus – during this Lenten season – remind me again that you are always where I would least expect to find you.

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!

Lent Day Thirty: God of the Moon and Stars

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lx3DOxUz8qo

As part of my Baptist Ministry training I spent 2 weeks on placement at the Northumbrian Community Mother house.  I was really excited about going there as for some time my husband and I had been using their Celtic Daily Prayer Book and this had been really helpful to us.  I loved the way that they spoke of Availability to God and others, and intentional Vulnerability.  This seemed to encapsulate all that was precious to me and had been for a long time, so in many ways it felt like coming home.

Sadly the reality of this visit didn’t match my expectations.  Maybe it was where I was at personally.   I found the experience to be a cross between being stuck in the Big Brother House – where I longed for my eviction, and expecting Reginald Iolanthe Perrin and his self help community to come sweeping through the door any minute, and I looked forward to sex with David Harris Jones (the very timid sex therapist at Perrins!)

I really tried to make the most of my time there.  I mucked in with the routine of the day, cleaning, praying, gardening, quiet times alone.  I met some wonderful people who were fellow travellers for retreat and healing and I went on the pilgrimage to Holy Island.    I think one thing that really got to me about my time there was it was two weeks without any children.  Two weeks with people taking themselves far too seriously and I longed to hear the laughter of children and just have a mad half hour. While I was there I learned that I really valued normal life much more than I had previously realised. Suddenly the things that were missing – the noise of children,  Radio 2,  the ringing phone, everyday routine of family coming and going, were more precious than ever before.

I did my best not to be “Sister miss-a-blessing”, but one thing that got under my skin was this constant talk of “Thin Places!”.  The understanding that God was more assessable, more available in certain places – Lindisfarne being one such place.    Everything within me was struggling with this crazy theology (as I saw it).  Surely this was utter madness to designate certain places as “thin” – as if God was just sat there waiting and we go to him there without an appointment!  This drove me to distraction as it was completely contrary to my firm belief based on Psalm 139 where the Psalmist asks:-

“Where can I go from your Spirit?    Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there;   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn,    if I settle on the far side of the sea,  even there your hand will guide me”.

I don’t do thin places – for I have come to believe that God is always available, always around, always here. I do not have to cross some ancient walkway to find him, to be honest I don’t have to move from this chair.  As I sit here typing today’s reflection about my passions and my irritabilities suddenly … Here he is again.  Love you Lord!

My Prayer:

Lord today –  may I ever be aware of you on my left and on my right.

Jesus – during this Lenten season – may I continue to find you in the normal things of life – all of which are a gift from you

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!

Day Twenty Nine – Higher Ground

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCPjeOPjH5Y

Among the many people I have had the privilege of ministering to over the last 25 years there have been those who have ministered to me so much more that I could ever give to them.  Those saints of God who have prayed for me daily, and who have looked out for me and shared God’s amazing love with me, in a way that has affirmed by calling at times of doubt, and kept me sane in times of trouble.

One such lady was in my first pastoral appointment – her name was Ann.  Ann was a retired widow who had been  married to a great Scottish evangelism who had spent his whole life telling people about the saving power of Jesus.  What made him so remarkable was he had no legs – which I believe he lost in a railway accident.  Nevertheless this had not stopped him and on a skateboard he had literally been all over Scotland preaching of the Love of Jesus and women and men had responded to his powerful testimony and life changing message.

By the time I came into Ann life she had been without her beloved husband for several years, and she had settled down into her retirement bungalow and promised God she would attend the nearest church to wherever she retired – and so she was part of our congregation, I am delighted to say.  Her denominational allegiance was not strong, but her faithfulness to Jesus was second to none, and her loyalty and support of her pastor was exemplary.

She had such a love for God’s people that she was a real asset to our fellowship, and she looked out for other retired ladies in her area and became a genuine friend to many of them.  Her whole life radiated the love and peace of God, and despite a life which can’t have been easy Ann never complained or wallowed in self pity, she simply praised God.

When we met together she would always ask me what things I needed prayer about.  What was happening with the children and my husband?  What practical things should she pray for, and how was I doing spiritually?  Things people don’t usual ask the minister, she was never afraid to delve into those things and sincerely bring them all to God in prayer.    In my heart I knew that here was a real saint of God; yet she used to say to me – Alison you are I live on higher ground.  Some people chose not to live there, and remain in the mire and clay – but we share this higher ground together.

I had no doubt that Ann lived on higher ground, but I was so aware of my own shortcomings, failures, lack of faith, weaknesses and inadequacies that I struggled to see myself on the same level as her.  And yet, I know that when we met and prayed, when we talked and when I listened to her amazing life stories and testimonies – without a doubt I was there – transporting to that Higher Ground.

My Prayer:

Thank You Father, for those wonderful people who have listed me up and enabled me to plant my feet on higher ground.

Jesus – during this Lenten season – remind me again this is my job now to enable others to do the same.

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!

Day Twenty Eight – Stay with me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zo9qwQANNM&feature=related

There are times in life when an encounter with God is as clear as day; when without a doubt its as if God draws very close- like when Jesus arrived at Zacchaeus’s home for tea – it is all that straightforward.

Let me share two occasions where this has happened.

Not so long ago I accompanied a  friend to an interview at a Christian Retreat House, and while he was inside I decided to wait for him in the garden.  As this was a retreat venue there were lots of places to walk, sit and reflect.  A few poustinias scattered around, a Labyrinth,  seats by water features and just beautiful landscaping as well as those wilderness places.  All together a very pleasant place.  I wandered around, as I do, singing to myself and praying, but eventually I took refuge in the poustinia, where I sat and closed my eyes.  After a little while the door opened and a man came in.  He sat quietly and smiled when I looked up, but he didn’t say anything for some time.  I didn’t feel nervous or in any way threatened by him, in fact I felt quite comfortable that he was there.

After some time he started to speak to me about life.  He asked me what I was doing there, and I spilled out the long and painful story that had brought me to that place,  all that was happening in my life.  He listened with a knowing look as if he fully understood.  I cried and I felt great comfort from his presence.   He told me that I needed to understand how valued and loved I was; he said that other people often love us for what we do, or for what we achieve, but that God loves me for who I am, regardless of anything else.  He said he thought that some people had used me for their own purposes, but God is never about using me, he is more about loving  – and that his Kingdom purpose was always to love and not to use.   He sat with me there through floods of tears; in fact he didn’t move until I had stopped crying.  When I did he told me my friend was on his way, so it was time to go.  Before he left he said don’t leave it too long before you come back to talk to me, I’m always here.  Take care Alison, and he got up, opened the door and walked out.    I didn’t follow immediately, I waited a few minutes before I left, and when I stepped outside he was nowhere to be seen.  But I saw my friend walking towards me.

Another time was last year as a Ministers Retreat.  It was a silent retreat at a Catholic convent.  Oh I don’t do silence!  I am sorry if this says something about my spiritual condition, but I’d much rather sing and dance any day.   I know my spiritual director despairs with me at times, but I can’t help it – when there is silence I can hear music!   I was struggling with this day but I was determined to try and remain silent even if it was killing me.  After a while of sitting praying and writing I decided I would tackle the Labyrinth.   I put my bag and coat down outside the concentric circles and began to walk.  Suddenly a man appeared and started to watch me. I smiled at him and he said – “Do you know there is an easier way in, I’ll race you”.   With that he started jumping over the small hedges to get to the middle.  I immediately took up the challenge and started to run around the circles in the correct way – both of us were laughing our heads off.  The silence of that place was now shattered by these two grownups acting like small children.  Obviously he got to the middle before me and proudly proclaimed “Oh Yes – I win!”  I laughed out loud and he said there is always another way to do things, sometimes we make it all too complicated. Then he walked away.  When I got to the middle I sat and smiled to myself.  Maybe the way I do things wasn’t that bad after all?

Two very different encounters – but In both I encountered God’s amazing love and joy, his compassion and friendship.

My Prayer:

Thank You Father,  there are times when your presence is so real and so tangible I can almost reach out and touch you.

Jesus – during this Lenten season – remind me again to find you in the madness of life.

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!

Lent Day Twenty Seven – I believe in springtime

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C38jxr2u7g

At this time of year I love the fact that the trees decide to wear yellow or white or pink and not just the usual green and brown.  I love that moment when the sweet spring wind blows and the cherry blossom pestles fill the air, like a light fall of snow on the spring breeze, the delicate natural confetti for the moment when the world become the perfect place for lovers.

I love the way that daffodils , hyacinths,  snowdrops and bluebells act as if it’s their divine right to occupy any small area of ground and to multiply at a great rate, sharing their glorious colour with our waking world, filling the air with their unique  sweet fragrance .

At this time of year I love the fact that our country fields are full of frolickers (My pet name for lambs); who hop and jump and skip playfully together.  I love the way they closely follow their mother, and becoming very noisy and distressed when they get lose sight of her when they become lost in their joyful antics.

At this time of year I love to fill my fruit bowl and salad drawer of the fridge up with a variety of colourful fresh foods, as I tell myself that this is the time of year to indulge in healthy eating yet again.  When my comfort food becomes a pear or a strawberry instead of a biscuit or a jam butty.

At this time of year I love to put the winter clothes away. Hang up that heavy coat and put the boot straighteners in the boots for another six months, as I once again discover my sandals and lighter clothes, which all seem much more comfortable and  relaxing,  creating a more optimistic feel as winter fades away.

At this time of year I love it when the clocks go  forward and the mornings get lighter and the evenings seem longer, as we  welcome British summer time officially together as a nation.  And those folks who have suffered from seasonally adjusted disorder can now begin to draw a line under that oppression for yet another year and learn to breathe freely again.

At this time of year I love the fact that we can open our windows and let the fresh air into our homes; so we no longer feel quite as closed in and isolated from our neighbours and community as we have in the winter months Now we are suddenly more available, more connected to the world outside our own four walls.

I love to see the birds nesting, the sight of the moorhen precariously building her nest near the edge of the water, from bits of drift wood and trigs she collects from the bank.   This seemingly flimsy structure which she trusts with her precious eggs and guards with her life until very soon when we catch a glimpse at a whole new generation who will soon learn how to do this amazing building work for themselves.

I love the fact that Spring is all about new life, new beginnings, new adventures ; and as the world adjusts to all this, so do we, and something within us embraces this as we encounter the living God in all our beautiful world around us, leading us on to new and beautiful things.

My Prayer:

Thank You Father that you that at this time of the year the world is waking up again, to colour and new life and  beauty.

Jesus – during this Lenten season – remind me again that you desire to do a new thing in our hearts too.  May we be prepared to open our lives to you and the exciting things you have in store for us.

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!

Lent Day Twenty Six –We’re in Heaven

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxINZK_MXE4

Every encounter with God is in a way a glimpse of heaven itself.  Each time we feel God close we are blessed with a sacrament – a “sacred moment” when all at once there is nothing between who we are and who God is.  It’s a moment of deep awareness of ourselves and a deeper understanding into the glory of God.

Sometimes the presence of God has taken me by surprise especially when he creeps up on me when I’m least expecting it.  One place this happened was on Main Street USA; Magic Kingdom, Florida.   Why there? On a cold February day, surrounded by all of Walt Disney’s fantasy and extravagance, at the big build up for the afternoon big parade?   Maybe because it was like a dream come true, something I had never thought we could afford, but thank to a major Building Society share offer we were able to cash in and fly away.  Maybe to see the delight on my children’s faces as we caught the first glimpse of the famous familiar Disney characters that they know and love so well, the joy in their eyes, the anticipation as we waited together.  Maybe it was the music that was playing, the fanfare to herald the parade approaching.

It’s hard to say what happened there as I stood and felt so blessed and happy to be sharing the moment together with my family.  It is true Disney know how to manipulate the magic, with music, colour, fireworks and beauty; but what I felt seemed deeper than all that.  This was more of a deep satisfaction and happiness that in that moment it was great to be alive, and the true giver or the magic of life was none other than God himself, who really did made that moment a reality for those I loved. And so right there, whilst stood on Main Street USA, I encountered a sacred moment and thanked God for his goodness and his love.

The writer to the Romans says that “In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.  I am not sure I have always found this to be true.  Really Father?  “All things?” Surely the verse would be better it is read “most things” or even “some things”; I think my personal translation of this verse would read  “And we know that occasionally things work together for good!”  But “ALL THINGS”, it hasn’t always seemed like that.

On Main Street USA “All things” seemed to collide together to make that moment good, but if I’m honest today hasn’t had the same feeling, and yesterday was even worse than today.  There are too many times when I seem to completely lose sight of the fact that God is in anyway working things out at all, never mind bringing it all together for good.  Times in my life and ministry when people talk of suffering, pain, loss, heartache and I wouldn’t dream of saying something as trite as it’s all part of Gods amazing plan for you, because simply to listen and sit with them in the pain where there are no easy solutions is the very best I can offer.

Yet I am reminded today that in all things God is working things out, not just on the days when that’s is as clear as the approaching Disney parade, but also on days when nothing seems to fit or make sense, even in those days God is waiting to share with us sacred moments of his great love and deep joy.  Bring it on Lord!

 

My Prayer:

Thank You Father that you area God of surprises, that with you all of life is a sacrament and you are always at work just behind the scenes, caring for us.

Jesus – during this Lenten season – remind me again even when there is no fanfare, no fireworks, no familiar faces to make us smile, no great anticipation – still you are working on the magic for us.

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!

Lent Day Twenty five – I will follow Him

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPpd-6X3tEo

I’ve always known that God had a plan for my life.  I have memories of striking deals with God while walking to primary school.  On a very childish level I’d bargain with God; “If two red cars come together, I’ll be a minister when I grow up”. “If two buses come together, I’ll be a missionary”; “If three green cars come, I’ll go to Africa”.  I would walk to school almost every day making these weird promises I could never keep, yet even then in my heart was this sincere desire to do whatever God wanted me to do.

I would attend careers interviews at secondary school and wonder what to say as I knew I would work for the church and all the careers teacher could offer me was either working at the Robinson’s Jam factory or Christie s Towels (two renowned manufacturing industries based in my back yard).  Neither of the above offered any real prospects or held any interest whatsoever and so I would just humour her and leave feeling I had ticked that box.

People talk about calling, a call to ministry, a call to serve God.  For me it was a growing awareness that this is what I would do; almost a growing into it, becoming comfortable with the fact that this was my destiny.  So I got involved with things that would help me fulfil my vocation, and found myself teaching Sunday school at 15, preaching at other churches by 17 and taking on local church leadership by 18.    Everyone who knew me predicted that I would be involved in the ministry.  Some saw me as “too Holy”, and my future husband was warned off me because I was deemed as such.

Although it was a simply growing awareness that full time ministry was my future, there was one defining moment that I have often looked back on for reassurance; a moment when I truly encountered God and felt His Spirit and calling.  It was during a production of a Christian Musical, very professionally directed and produced at the Renold Theatre in Manchester.  I was not on stage at the time, but waiting in the wings for my next cue (I was only a bit part!).  Those on stage were singing:

Not for myself, not the the sake of any man;

Myself, not Him, will I deny;

I’ll come; I’ll go, I’ll live; I’ll die – for Jesus sake.

 

In that moment time stood still, as I knew that God had placed his hand on me and I could do nothing more than obey.

There have been many days when I have wanted to be “normal”; when I have craved a 9 to 5 job; that at the end of the day you close the door and that’s it. A job where I could be seen as just Alison and not the Salvation Army officer/Baptist minister; but just me!   And yet God chose just me years before I realised the implications of His choice and has used “just me” for His Kingdom sake – what an honour! In recent days I have shared the excitement of one of my church members realise his call to ministry, and its amazing to see how in the ordinary things if life, through everyday events and the most unusual choice of people, God continues to confirm his call for women and men to take up their cross and follow Him on what really is the greatest adventure of all.

My Prayer:

Thank You Father for the joy and privilege of fulfilling your good, pleasing and perfect will – even when it doesn’t seem that good, I am not very pleased, and nothing really seems that perfect!   Thank you Father that you always see the bigger picture.

Jesus – during this Lenten season – remind me that you had me in mind when you sorted out the universe, and that my gifts, skills, personality and talents are part of your amazing plan for the salvation of creation.

Lord hear us – Lord graciously hear us!