There are some times when it seems Cancer defines me. Wide awake at 2am. Heart racing, radio active poo, pains in stomach, and that very weird taste in the mouth that just will not go away. The internal fight to not reach for the phone and write this blog, which clearly I lost as here it is. Knowing all the advice about not turning on the phone in the night, blue screen light keeping me awake, the need to settle. And yet as I type my racing heart appears to be returning to normal with breathing steadied and internal chaos subsiding.
I feel like nornal life has been lost under drugs, side effects, exhaustion, self pity and loneliness. The later needing sorting out everyday as they could be more deadly than cancer if left unchecked.
And God? Well there was great rejoicing when the news was the tumours had reduced. Praise God we declared! And yet He knows I still have issues that we are here in the first place. We need to work on this. Someone asked me “Why is God taking you through this?^ why indeed? And am I learning anything through this other than its all pretty crap and I do pray it all works in the end.